The Childhood Model

childhood model-Making friends with yourself


If you would like to read a briefer version of the Childhood Model, please click here. 

What is the childhood model? 
The childhood model is a set of beliefs that form the foundation of your life. Those judgements were put together by the time your inner child was seven years old and brought forward into your adult life via your subconscious mind. Those beliefs have become colloquially known as your baggage.

Basically, your childhood model is 100% right side brain input only, which means that your inner child’s model was assembled by an unconscious, literal, instinctual, emotional child whose tiny, serious world was “personal” and its beliefs and judgements were always survival-based. Add the further overlay: all children are copy-cats; they mimic everything. Like mother, like daughter; like father, like son!

Some examples of childhood model contents:
Generational themes and values, your inner child’s beliefs about itself and its potential, its absolute need to belong to ensure its survival, relationship beliefs, everything is observed, heard, felt – true-or-false, right-or-wrong, idealistic, faulty and/or imagined. Plus, strategic and coping behaviours, feelings of powerlessness, resentments, fear and comfort zones and its need for certainty, patterns, rules, expectations, shoulds, borrowed behaviours, defining moments, criticisms, compliments etc. The childhood model is also brim full of conformity, standards, controls and limitations.

In addition, your inner child and mine were totally serious; we had no humour about ourselves. We were intellectually incapable of reasoning and making distinctions. We believed everything! Remember Father Christmas? There was no understanding of time or that change is an inevitable part of life. It was an either/or black-or-white, yes-or-no, can-or-can’t world with no other choices available. There were no indications or signs of independence, emotional or otherwise, and another big one – no responsibility for itself. Further, the opinion your inner child had of itself was formed by the comments from ‘others’ together with its spin.

During this period of time, your intellectual brain was, for the most part, in its rudimentary or early stages of development.

There the model remains, directing, controlling and limiting you with its survival-based crude, automatic, outdated, subconscious responses and beliefs. Our physical bodies were not expected to live longer than 30 years when that primitive formula was devised, so we needed a set of automatic responses to accommodate such a short life span. Was there ever a suggestion that what your inner child was learning, observing or copying would need to be reviewed, challenged or updated to suit your adult life? No? It was news to me too!

What did your powerless, instinctual, literal inner child decide for you, your potential and your life by the time it was seven years old?

It’s not until you really ‘get into it’ that you realise just how much your childhood model actually sets the standards, the scope of your potential, your beliefs, patterns and attitudes.

As an adult, with a much longer life span, comparatively, those childhood model automatic responses, if not brought into your consciousness, can rob you of your true potential, your emotional independence, your individual sense of freedom and personal power – tricking you into believing that is all you are and this is all you can be. This is your inner child’s literal, ‘forever’ thinking in action.

You have been ‘on-auto’.

Your inner child cannot know you today – you are far and beyond anything it could ever have imagined for itself. It is the one stuck in its childhood – you are not! You have choices … but, without review and intervention, your childhood model remains all-powerful and in control.

By now, you may be wondering:
How will I know when it’s time to investigate my childhood model? Are there clues?
Yes, there are clues, many clues. For example:

  • If you are feeling disillusioned, not enough, ‘ripped-off’, flawed somehow or that something is missing from your life;
  • Maybe you have a ‘chip’ on your shoulder, a defensive attitude, are feeling stuck, fearful or unsure how to move forward;
  • Perhaps you are feeling depressed, powerless, resentful, angry, confused … on the brink or in the depths of a mid-life crisis.

They are all acknowledgements that you are growing out of your childhood model. Congratulations!

Consciousness is the beginning of your intellectual involvement with your life. You, the adult, are not powerless, but when you are living vicariously through your childhood model, you feel powerless. Time to power up!

Debriefing is usually associated with business and the military before moving forward. Why should your childhood and its model be any different? As an adult, you are supposed to take responsibility for yourself and your life but, how do you make sense of your overpowering need to belong, your patterns and biases, your automatic judgements and responses, the importance of your emotional life, your fear-based comfort zones, and why change seems so scary to you? How do you get in touch with your nature and your beliefs, for example? How do you really know what you are basing your life upon if you don’t invite your inner child into your life?

‘Making Friends’ is a toolbox for your intellectual and emotional intelligence. It is high-octane fuel for your journey into yourself and the activation of your personal power. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one of all, setting the standards for everything in your life. The deeper your core understanding, the richer your connection with yourself and the greater your sense of freedom. Becoming wise to the self is your new beginning.

Time to get rid of the fiction from your life – this is your chance to break free from your inner child’s self-made prison. You are about to form an alliance, affirming and approving your inner child’s importance to you, while taking over the leadership role of your life. This is a time for celebration. Your personal power is waking up! It comes with no strings to the outside world. You now have an opportunity to rebuild your life based upon reality and all your experiences, education and life education, wisdom and know-how that you have been accumulating and cultivating since you were seven years old. Get ready for a grand harvest … this is your new level playing field.

Liking yourself is your catalyst for change. It is a powerful motivator giving you the insightful edge of self-approval and emotional independence.

When you reach this practical level of wisdom in your development, there should be little stopping you because you now have the relevant and powerful information to intellectually understand what has been holding you back, and the methodologies available for you to progress even further into yourself and your personal power, encouraging you to say “yes” to all things possible in your life and to continue on your soul’s journey.

Please allow me to take you and your inner child by the hand and explore the expression:

“show me a seven-year-old child and I’ll show you the adult”.

From me to you: I passionately wish that this powerful, transforming, life-changing book will touch on or resonate with something deeply personal for you; something you may not have allowed into the light or shared with anyone, or fully understood its long-term implications.

Enjoy your childhood model debriefing; revel in your ‘ah-ha’ moments.
Adult defiance is imminent! Making friends with yourself smile